diwali-inspired identity crisis

Me: "Do you think I'm Indian enough?"

Bex: "To do what?"

hmmm, good point.

but suddenly i have this yearning to wear a sari and eat gantia (and know how to spell gantia) and be able to communicate with my grandmother using something other than the language of mime. i spent so long pushing all of that away, wishing i were white (luckily i discovered Fair 'n' Lovely a little late in the game, so i never went the route of bleaching my skin with fucked up 'beauty' products) and now...now i don't know. i have a term for what i experienced -internalized racism- but it doesn't really make my feelings any less confusing.

perhaps gloria anzaldua will have some answers...