friends and strangers write down their words and send them to me to compile into this book that has become my life for the past 2 years, recounting experiences that happened when they were 4, 16, 21. how do you choose which story to tell? there are so many. there are stories that repeat themselves, over and over and over again. they all sound remarkably similar. the same cruel disregard on the part of the attacker, who is quite often the survivor's best friend or partner. the same feelings of internalized guilt and shame and silence. the same reactions from the people who surround you. "friends" ask what you were wearing, whether you consented to some sexual activity. but were you drinking? it all sounds like this fucked up script.

what does it mean that someone who has survived sexual violence experiences the same symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder as someone who has survived war? war. we protest against it, wear t-shirts with catchy slogans condemning it, claim that we would never be a part of it. but sexual assault...how many people are implicated in that? i think of the numbers and my head spins. i still can't quite make sense of one being taking pleasure in the pain of another.

date rape sounds benign. even assault sounds clinical and removed. intimate terrorism. that is what we're talking about here.