you're so nice and you're so smart, you're such a good friend, i have to break your heart

i'm reading a book on emotionally abusive relationships. i'm thinking it will help.

life has been out of control lately. overstimulation is the only word that comes to mind. i don't think i've stopped for the past few weeks. it's been grcged, saturday night, family tensions, school, sweden stuff, friends, heartbreak. all at once. i'm not sure i can hold out another week before i finally give in to sleep and the inevitable breakdown. i can't stop thinking about The Future. and yes, it does deserve to be capitalized. it is big and scary and i'm not quite sure i'm prepared. at the same time i kind of wish it would start now. san fransisco with kara sounds awfully appealing right about now.

i can't seem to stop thinking about people who don't quite deserve it. my heart is long-term, and sometimes i wish it wasn't. sometimes i wish i was better at remaining angry at people. i know that sounds pretty fucked up, but as it stands now you can apparently do quite about anything to me and i will still be here when you need someone. there was a part in the ethical slut (no commentary on my choice of reading please!) that talked about the severe uncool factor of someone treating their partner like a garbage dump...and it really resonated. this is potentially a problem.