put a little love in your heart

today i had a happily cheesy moment. i went to the video store, in one of those "i wish i could just hole up and not interact with anyone" moods. it seemed like all of guelph was out and about and drunk, and all i wanted was some six feet under and vegan chocolate. at the video store i encountered a happy couple (to which i now respond with a strange mixture of bitterness and sheer joy at the wonder that is love). i went up to the counter, really just wanting to get the interaction over with so i could be as close to disappearing as humanly possible. but the girl behind the counter was one of the nicest, happiest people i've ever met. she talked to me for 20 minutes about my movie choice, her job, moving to guelph, rain and its annoyances, how independent stores are way better than the big box stores. she didn't seem to notice that i really didn't shower today when i probably should have or that i'm completely awkward and so utterly uncool. she rivals the kit kat variety girl in awesomeness. and that is hard to do. as i walked back home in the rain i thought about how she made me feel so much better about guelph and life in general. and -cue the afterschool special music- she reminded me of something that i forget every now and again. that people can make a difference just by being who they are, and often don't even realize the impact they make in other peoples lives. but they do. when i think about my friends and what great people they are it makes my heart happy. and i hope they know it.

Capsized

When I heard about the coming day
Wish I could wake up from this dream
In it I see a family photographed
And there you are, tucked in the scene
And there's a jealous net inside my chest
There's a hurt and sadness there
Maybe I'd tell you all about it
If I thought you'd care

Heavy heart gets lighter by your side
But there are thoughts I'd wish I'd heard
And if they ask you how I'm holding up
Say I'm holding out for the words

What's the sense in being so sensitive
Can I trade this thin skin for a shell
There are somethings I've got no feeling about
But there are some things I can tell

Heavy heart get lighter by yourself
It's been so long since you capsized
And you've been lying out there in the sun
Has it begun, has it begun

Heavy heart, have you heard
That I could use the words

-Sarah Harmer

will you say to me when I’m gone, your face is faded but lingers on

standing at the bottom of your stairs, not quite able to move. everything was dark and everyone was sleeping, dreaming. you told me to go up first, and i couldn't because i knew that as soon as i walked up those stairs i would walk back down again and leave and things would change forever. i knew that goodbye was inevitable, i just wanted to take in more of you while i still could. "the longer you stand at the bottom of the stairs," i thought impractically, "the better." i never was one for logic.

post-secret

when the phone rings i secretly hope that it's you on the other end

and tell all the stars above, this is dedicated to the one i love

last night sitting in kate's wonderfully mismatched living room drinking tea with rice milk in fancy cups and singing along to the shirelles I realized that this place might feel like home rather soon.

the thing that makes me most hopeful about guelph: the unbelievably friendly girl who works at kit kat convenience. this, i think, is an anomaly. she carried on a bubbly 10 minute conversation with us and it was unexpected and wonderful. in my mind we are now best buddies. creepy? maybe. awesome? definitely.

so far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore

So today was my first day in Guelph all alone. The weekend was good because Seema helped get me organized (as only Seema can) and spent time with me exploring Guelph. The weekend was incredible and a perfect way to start my Guelph journey. She was my buddy and stuck by my side, so I could temorarily prolong my fate of being The Girl Who Knows No One. I have a very distinct and somewhat Full House-ish mental picture of myself carrying a tray full of food and looking around the cafeteria hopefully. And yet to no avail. Everyone is already sitting at lunch tables with their friends. They think that I dress weird and eat strange food and I can feel all of this as I walk awkwardly through the lunchroom, trying to find a corner that I can hide in before getting through the rest of my day. Where I will also have no friends, by the way. And we will do things in partners and I will not have a partner because I will be the weird girl who eats quinoa int the corner of the lunchroom.

Is there even a lunchroom in Guelph? Maybe I can just take a book wherever I go (which I suppose I already do...) and books will be my new best friends. Books and guinea pigs. Not necessarily in that order. I'm not actually alone until I've been rejected by both books and guinea pigs.