when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire
I'm a mean person. I do things that hurt other people without even thinking about it, without letting myself think about it...until I've already done it. And then I feel awful, but that doesn't change what I've done. I was never this person. I was the person who would bend over backwards to help other people. Maybe I was a bit of a doormat, but I'd rather be that than be this. The thing is that every time I've tried to do something that I wanted to do, I've ended up hurting people and regretting what I've done. I can't seem to get it right. So from now on, I'm going to consider how everything I'm doing is affecting other people. I'd rather err on the side of being too nice. Because to not do that turns me into this selfish, uncaring person...
posted by Sonal @ 8:26 p.m.
4 comments
4 Comments:
Maybe what I think doesn't matter - but there isn't a mean fibre in your body as far as I can see.
I'll even go so far as to challenge your statements that people get hurt when you do the things you want to do. Although I'm in no position to do so since I am unaware of the context you are presenting this post in, I'll make the claim and stand by it.
There has to be a point where other people end and you begin. Always bending to the will of others is to be a slab of clay molded by their personalities. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at what point will you say: no, I am Sonal, I will mold myself.
Selfish and uncaring is when you are ignorant or inconsiderate while being aware that it is exactly what you are doing. Selfish and uncaring is the calculated volition of hurting someone on purpose.
The Sonal I know is neither of those things. The Sonal I know could never be either of those things.
If I asked you if you wanted everyone to be happy would you answer yes? I think so. Never forget that you are just as much a part of "everyone" as I am, as your friends are, your family, and every stranger on this planet.
My mother told me once "thats the way the cookie crumbles". I thought this to be a harsh reality, but its true. You cant control everything in life and you cant blame yourself for everything that isn't ideal. Sometimes shit just happens. Its a reality that we can only deal with. Humans cannot control emotion. If you did something its because it felt right. Maybe your retrospect feels guilty but retrospect wasn't there at the time to make the decision.
We are big people. We are going to make mistakes. But we can't hide our needs and feelings for fear of hurting others. Weigh your needs and feelings against others and take the chances that feel right. And every now and then tell retrospect to FUCK OFF!
-Bryne Pickels
I just read your post, and since it's fairly obvious that I know you better than anyone on this earthly plane, I can safely say that you would be colossally misguided in your renewed efforts to be "nice".
You shouldn't waste your time trying to become what you already are (which is NICE, by the way - remarkably so). Trust me. I've lived with you. I've seen it all.
Personally, I think you would be far better off spending your time acquiring those skills of which you are bereft. Like nunchuck skills. Or computer-hacking skills.
And you have to believe me because a)I'm related to you, and 2)I'm older than you and have seniority.
Pfft.
[Loving the Stars quote, btw]
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